so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
