Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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