the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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