After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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