I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
