I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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