Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
