all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
