none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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