Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
