remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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