Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
