I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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