Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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