Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
