We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
