Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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