biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
