Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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