I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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