so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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