Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
