My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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