Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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