I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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