I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
