I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
