i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
