i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
