This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
