he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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