I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
