Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
