I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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