she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
