Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
