someone get that fucking seahorse.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
