Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
