Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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