I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
one might say we're banned from that church
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
