You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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