sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
