Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
