Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
