His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
