i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
