I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
