well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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