it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
