Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
