Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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