i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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