She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
