Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
